Thursday, January 14, 2010

There's not enough inanity in this blog

I ate a Vidalia onion!

(There were some in the salad I got from the market.)

(It turns out, readers dear, that vegetables are healthy for the human body! I, personally, enjoy eating them. Particularly when there is such a satisfying ring about the name: Vidalia. Vidalia.)

Ah, Vidalia onions.

I could sing it from the rooftops!

But that song hasn’t been written yet, so I won’t.

My favorite part about Vidalia onions – besides their near-limitless uses in healthy salads, salsas, and spreads (and rooftop-sung arias) – is that everyone always has the same story about them. The exact same response to their appearance in any conversation – which makes me wonder if they’re not in an evil collusion with Flouride to take over the world. This is the response.
Oh, Vidalia onions? They’re so sweet, my grandfather would just eat them plain.
It’s always the same! It’s not just the hypothetical “you” who could eat them, or “one,” or even a personalized “I have eaten one” – it’s always grandpa!

Multiple times, many times, thousands – nay, dozens – nay, at least five times have I heard that.


I will likely feel in a bad way later tonight because I ate the whole packet of Vidalia onion & friends salad. I have been scared about leaving foodstuffs overnight without my fridge ever since that weird burp incident.

Still vomit free since ’93, however.

Ha ha. That’s a lie…but a different story, entirely.


Stacey said...

Well, it was my GREAT grandfather who ate them plain, so there goes your whole theory! ;)

Kara Dugas said...

I don't have a grandfather who tells stories so I never heard that story. If you were to mention vidalia onions, I would just say I like them in soup.

Monica said...

I HATE all onions (vidalia onions included)!!! I think Paul would eat them, just don't tell him they're good for him :D

Andrew said...

Stacey: Blast! Foiled!

Kara: I grandfather?

Monica: I think Paul would be fine with any onion as long as it's not green. ;)