Monday, March 29, 2010

I am the Red Sea

I really shouldn't be surprised by anything in the gym anymore.

Whether it's a trainer physically moving a client's legs back and forth because she doesn't feel like doing the exercise,

or a man who uses the lying hamstring curl machine to workout his neck,

or a man who looks like he might have been the model for Jurassic Park velociraptor,

or...well. You get the idea. There are a lot of bizarre things that happen in the gym. Let's not even talk about the puppetry-of-the-penis spectacles that spontaneously occur when a group of trainers are showering at the same time. Those are psychologically scarring.

I got off a treadmill and -- seeing as I had been running on a treadmill -- am sweating. (I do this sometimes.) Sweat sweat sweat! Apparently I'm from an old school group of individuals who don't care whether they're wearing a grey shirt to the gym or not (I was) and thus have pit stains or not (I did. Plus neck ring etc) because I was running on the treadmill.

Then I noticed that people were staring at me.

Then I realized that I hardly ever see people sweating in the gym.

That's weird.

But is it? Here, it seems clients are either the women whose trainers are doing everything for them (see above) or are on so many steroids (see above) that their sweat glands must have reorganized themselves to sweat inwards - to flood the muscles with all of the water the creatine requires for that lovely bloated look...

2 comments:

Miriam said...

That is peculiar...do they still play Lady Gaga in a loop?

Andrew said...

You have no idea. The greatest is that all of the super-jacked over-steroided ex-Soviet bodybuilders all dance around and sing along.