We decided kilt and B.Flow feather jacket

I went on a day trip to Portsmouth!

Wer, Wif, and I walked down the street.

Wif: Did I tell you that my Scottish friends are coming to the wedding?!

Icarus: I just saw it on your blog. Fantastic! [Intonation on the 'fantastic' is important. It must have self-reflexive irony and a rough North English accent in order to hearken to Christopher Eccleston's Doctor.]

Wif: And they'll be in town from Wednesday to Wednesday, so you'll have a chance to meet them.

Wer: And -- and. and. They'll be wearing kilts to the weddings, precious, yes. [This should be deadpan, not in an obvious Gollum voice.]

Wif: So I think when we do our pub crawl after the rehearsal dinner, you, monkey, and Wer, and Good-ol-Abe should wear kilts with the Scots.

Icarus: Hm. Only a quarter of me will be ok with that. Can I wear a quarter-kilt?

[Wer&Wif share looks of horror.]

Wer: Um. They're pretty short to begin with.

Wif: Are you planning on wearing underwear with that?

Icarus: No! I meant a loincloth, not a mini-skirt...

[More looks of horror.]